*sigh*

I'm stressed. Stress makes me cranky and irritable.

So do really low ferritin levels. Gonna try and schedule an IV for next week. Yeah, my iron's THAT low.

This is really a nothing entry, more of a to-do list and budget bullshit than anything else. I just want to LOOK at it, ya know?

Today I got a bill for $800 from a doctor I saw in New York. Um, FUCK? Oh, and the car? Gonna be a nice court case, because Hyundai won't replace the engine because it broke because someone fucked up an oil change at Discount Auto Repair...and naturally, I have to make it all happen.

For fuck's sake, I just took a percocet and a klonopin, and my heart is racing because of the anxiety. It's so intense right now. I just want August to disappear and come back in, like, October, so I can pay my bills.

It looks like I'll be applying for ANOTHER job, this time at the Vitamin Shoppe around the corner from me. Location is good. I hate holistic medicine, but I do spend bunches of money in there anyway...so we'll see.

Just bills...keep piling. Doctors, food, LIFE.

And when things get like this, I always question - am I cut out for life? I hate when my brain goes into the scary spiral. It's like "Yo, I said I'm not suicidal, bitch!". Argh.

I just sent out a bunch of resume/focus group emails, we'll see if anything pans out.

I leave for New York in about 2.5 weeks. I miss home so much. I also miss money, so hardcore budgeting while I'm in.

What I need to do:

See 9-5 The Musical
Buy Diesel Jeans with Meghann (she's been looking forward to this foreeeeever)
See people.

I like that my body has a sense of calm right now, but my brain/heart are still on overdrive. I hate stress.

And that's it. I want wine/coffee/pot. Oy.