Well, Philly really. It's Wednesday afternoon at "The Shop", as its been called since I was a child. We've been in printing since before birth, when "Alfred" and "Moe" created a printshop in Philadelphia.
It's been an exhausting week, no two ways about it. But I did learn I'm not anemic. However, I don't know what else he said, as I was drunk of my ass with sangria. Whoops.
Pretty much it. Simple. And my grandmother's currently insulted I don't want her to read over my shoulder. Oy. But I love her so much and I'm genuinely having a fantastic time with her. Nothing like Scrabble and homemade noshing. She made flounder...SO GOOD, I need to learn to cook like that. I wish I could. Maybe I can one day, who knows?
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Sickie Insomnia
I'm whopping drugged right now, but awake. Thanks, body. When I was in Ventura with Dan seeing "The Best is Yet to Come: The Music of Cy Coleman", we were walking to the car and I started wheezing. That, like, never happens. 4 hours later, I'm coughing like hell. And I had JUST healed those boobie muscles. Booooo.
Oh, the show was fantastic. I was a bit tired, and so I actually dozed, which I felt badly about, but to me, that music is the definition of soothing. I love it all.
Sunday night Dad calls and wants me to come over for dinner. I was so zonked, but I went Monday night (after seeing Cindy and dropping off some Moussaka). It was pleasant enough, considering he's an illogical man. But I love him. I don't really respect him much anymore, but I love him deeply.
Today I had a busy day - woke up, went to Target for hair shit (and of course, discovered amazingness). 100 calorie packs of the yummy cocoa roasted almonds. 7 packs for $1.99. I bought two, naturally. I love my individual portion sizes, it's how I roll. Also got my 1-oz Kashi crackers. And some socks, but really, that's my excitement in life as limited to almonds.
Had therapy, which was very useful. I'm starting to accept my body, and it's very unfamiliar to do that. My whole life I've looked at my body with hatred, and had valid reason to do as such. Well, now... I don't. I look at it sometimes even with pride and excitement. I'm not quite at the point of respect yet.
Afterwards, went to Dad's house (easier than going to Mom's mid-day) and took a nap. As I was entering, he was leaving, and asked me if I needed anything from Trader Joe's. I said "No, I'm good". I think he asked me 3 times, almost pleading. It's as if his buying me groceries might entice me to stay and keep him company and love him. He's just so lonely, it's heartbreaking. Took a nap, and then went to meet Tracy for dinner.
Tracy is from ObesityHelp. We met at Border Grill for mojitos and cheap-ass happy hour food. It was funny, because both of us took a sip of our mojito and went "Ingredients, please". Oh, post-op bonding. I had shrimp ceviche, which is why I'm up and itching like crazy. Note to self: you are ALLERGIC to shrimp. I also had a small lamb taco which was yummmm. Then we walked around 3rd Street Promenade, enjoyed the breeze.
She's absolutely gorgeous, and I hope to become something like her when I grow up. Confident, capable, intelligent, and funny. We had so much fun shopping and chatting. When it comes to this world we navigate, it is so important to have like minded people with whom you not only have a post-op relationship, but a friendship as well. I may have found that tonight. Not that I haven't before, but I like people.
Came home, was in bed at 9:45. I'm SO fucking sick. Throat is on fire, and I just try to keep my breathing shallow so as not to inflict a coughing attack on my poor chest area that's just trying to heal here. So here I am, awake. Drinking water, definitely hydrated today. I think I'll try and sleep now. I want to get fresh mozzarella tomorrow, but if I still feel like bronchial death, I may have to nix it.
Oh, the show was fantastic. I was a bit tired, and so I actually dozed, which I felt badly about, but to me, that music is the definition of soothing. I love it all.
Sunday night Dad calls and wants me to come over for dinner. I was so zonked, but I went Monday night (after seeing Cindy and dropping off some Moussaka). It was pleasant enough, considering he's an illogical man. But I love him. I don't really respect him much anymore, but I love him deeply.
Today I had a busy day - woke up, went to Target for hair shit (and of course, discovered amazingness). 100 calorie packs of the yummy cocoa roasted almonds. 7 packs for $1.99. I bought two, naturally. I love my individual portion sizes, it's how I roll. Also got my 1-oz Kashi crackers. And some socks, but really, that's my excitement in life as limited to almonds.
Had therapy, which was very useful. I'm starting to accept my body, and it's very unfamiliar to do that. My whole life I've looked at my body with hatred, and had valid reason to do as such. Well, now... I don't. I look at it sometimes even with pride and excitement. I'm not quite at the point of respect yet.
Afterwards, went to Dad's house (easier than going to Mom's mid-day) and took a nap. As I was entering, he was leaving, and asked me if I needed anything from Trader Joe's. I said "No, I'm good". I think he asked me 3 times, almost pleading. It's as if his buying me groceries might entice me to stay and keep him company and love him. He's just so lonely, it's heartbreaking. Took a nap, and then went to meet Tracy for dinner.
Tracy is from ObesityHelp. We met at Border Grill for mojitos and cheap-ass happy hour food. It was funny, because both of us took a sip of our mojito and went "Ingredients, please". Oh, post-op bonding. I had shrimp ceviche, which is why I'm up and itching like crazy. Note to self: you are ALLERGIC to shrimp. I also had a small lamb taco which was yummmm. Then we walked around 3rd Street Promenade, enjoyed the breeze.
She's absolutely gorgeous, and I hope to become something like her when I grow up. Confident, capable, intelligent, and funny. We had so much fun shopping and chatting. When it comes to this world we navigate, it is so important to have like minded people with whom you not only have a post-op relationship, but a friendship as well. I may have found that tonight. Not that I haven't before, but I like people.
Came home, was in bed at 9:45. I'm SO fucking sick. Throat is on fire, and I just try to keep my breathing shallow so as not to inflict a coughing attack on my poor chest area that's just trying to heal here. So here I am, awake. Drinking water, definitely hydrated today. I think I'll try and sleep now. I want to get fresh mozzarella tomorrow, but if I still feel like bronchial death, I may have to nix it.
Sunday, August 2, 2009
Mental Adventures...
Seriously. I feel like every day is either "Yay, sunshine and rainbows" or "Just chuck me over a bridge into the sewer system.
Today is good.
Last night, I saw Chaim Topol in "Fiddler on the Roof" with the family. I loved the traditional production values, HATED the direction...but I was with my family. Then I got a cranky attack for who knows what reason. (In reality, I think I'm loving the NuvaRing, I think my body's sort of going batty in terms of hormones. The first week after my period whenever I start it, I get all cranky. Weeeeeird.
Tonight I saw "Guys and Dolls" at the Hollywood Bowl. I LOVE that music and that era and all that amazing stuff, and most importantly, I saw it with people I genuinely love. Oh, and Jessica Biel as Sarah Brown. Pleasantly shocked. The girl can actually act. Not sing TOO well, could use some work, but acting-wise? Whoa. Not amazing, but WAY more than I expected from Mary from 7th Heaven.
Tomorrow, I see the Music of Cy Coleman with my friend Dan. He's SO excited just to hang out with me, and the feeling is totally mutual! I miss him, he's SO much fun. So we have lots of driving and gabbing to do and it willl be marvelous.
So a GREAT weekend all around.
Oooh, sleeping pills kickin' in. Night.
Oh, and god? Can we reduce the painful swelling in my arms? I mean, I know I need to keep 'em compressed, but I'm either too loose or cutting off blood flow to my fingers. Proooooblem.
Today is good.
Last night, I saw Chaim Topol in "Fiddler on the Roof" with the family. I loved the traditional production values, HATED the direction...but I was with my family. Then I got a cranky attack for who knows what reason. (In reality, I think I'm loving the NuvaRing, I think my body's sort of going batty in terms of hormones. The first week after my period whenever I start it, I get all cranky. Weeeeeird.
Tonight I saw "Guys and Dolls" at the Hollywood Bowl. I LOVE that music and that era and all that amazing stuff, and most importantly, I saw it with people I genuinely love. Oh, and Jessica Biel as Sarah Brown. Pleasantly shocked. The girl can actually act. Not sing TOO well, could use some work, but acting-wise? Whoa. Not amazing, but WAY more than I expected from Mary from 7th Heaven.
Tomorrow, I see the Music of Cy Coleman with my friend Dan. He's SO excited just to hang out with me, and the feeling is totally mutual! I miss him, he's SO much fun. So we have lots of driving and gabbing to do and it willl be marvelous.
So a GREAT weekend all around.
Oooh, sleeping pills kickin' in. Night.
Oh, and god? Can we reduce the painful swelling in my arms? I mean, I know I need to keep 'em compressed, but I'm either too loose or cutting off blood flow to my fingers. Proooooblem.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
*sigh*
I'm stressed. Stress makes me cranky and irritable.
So do really low ferritin levels. Gonna try and schedule an IV for next week. Yeah, my iron's THAT low.
This is really a nothing entry, more of a to-do list and budget bullshit than anything else. I just want to LOOK at it, ya know?
Today I got a bill for $800 from a doctor I saw in New York. Um, FUCK? Oh, and the car? Gonna be a nice court case, because Hyundai won't replace the engine because it broke because someone fucked up an oil change at Discount Auto Repair...and naturally, I have to make it all happen.
For fuck's sake, I just took a percocet and a klonopin, and my heart is racing because of the anxiety. It's so intense right now. I just want August to disappear and come back in, like, October, so I can pay my bills.
It looks like I'll be applying for ANOTHER job, this time at the Vitamin Shoppe around the corner from me. Location is good. I hate holistic medicine, but I do spend bunches of money in there anyway...so we'll see.
Just bills...keep piling. Doctors, food, LIFE.
And when things get like this, I always question - am I cut out for life? I hate when my brain goes into the scary spiral. It's like "Yo, I said I'm not suicidal, bitch!". Argh.
I just sent out a bunch of resume/focus group emails, we'll see if anything pans out.
I leave for New York in about 2.5 weeks. I miss home so much. I also miss money, so hardcore budgeting while I'm in.
What I need to do:
See 9-5 The Musical
Buy Diesel Jeans with Meghann (she's been looking forward to this foreeeeever)
See people.
I like that my body has a sense of calm right now, but my brain/heart are still on overdrive. I hate stress.
And that's it. I want wine/coffee/pot. Oy.
So do really low ferritin levels. Gonna try and schedule an IV for next week. Yeah, my iron's THAT low.
This is really a nothing entry, more of a to-do list and budget bullshit than anything else. I just want to LOOK at it, ya know?
Today I got a bill for $800 from a doctor I saw in New York. Um, FUCK? Oh, and the car? Gonna be a nice court case, because Hyundai won't replace the engine because it broke because someone fucked up an oil change at Discount Auto Repair...and naturally, I have to make it all happen.
For fuck's sake, I just took a percocet and a klonopin, and my heart is racing because of the anxiety. It's so intense right now. I just want August to disappear and come back in, like, October, so I can pay my bills.
It looks like I'll be applying for ANOTHER job, this time at the Vitamin Shoppe around the corner from me. Location is good. I hate holistic medicine, but I do spend bunches of money in there anyway...so we'll see.
Just bills...keep piling. Doctors, food, LIFE.
And when things get like this, I always question - am I cut out for life? I hate when my brain goes into the scary spiral. It's like "Yo, I said I'm not suicidal, bitch!". Argh.
I just sent out a bunch of resume/focus group emails, we'll see if anything pans out.
I leave for New York in about 2.5 weeks. I miss home so much. I also miss money, so hardcore budgeting while I'm in.
What I need to do:
See 9-5 The Musical
Buy Diesel Jeans with Meghann (she's been looking forward to this foreeeeever)
See people.
I like that my body has a sense of calm right now, but my brain/heart are still on overdrive. I hate stress.
And that's it. I want wine/coffee/pot. Oy.
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